It is that time of year, Halloween is over and the Christmas season has begun. Christmas shopping, gift lists, Christmas parties, menu planning, guests lists and invites, charity fundraisers, Christmas concerts... Only so much to spend, so much to give, only so much time. I often hear that planning is the solution, and part of that is true, but many, though more accomplished through planning, still feel drained, stressed and unsatisfied. Here is why I think that happens. Most people plan for, gift lists, grocery lists, party menus etc., though getting things checked off your list may bring a sense of accomplishment, this is not where your energy comes from.
Your energy comes from living according to your own values and making sure your core needs are being met. After that, with a clear goal of what you need in life to be at your best, planning for other areas of your life will become much clearer.
Stress is a reactive response to our expectations in life not being met. Life happens to all of us. We have our own expectations of what a great Christmas should look like and so does everyone else. Most people will say I just want to be happy, or I just want everybody to be happy or I just want a peaceful Christmas. The problem is if you do not have a clear definition of what happiness or peace means to you, then you will go with the flow letting others (family members, salespeople, retailers, friends, coworkers, charity organizers...) expectations dictate your goals and success.
Making people happy is out of your control because most of the time you really will not know what will make others happy, and if it is at the expense of your values, it will drain you. Even when everyone else seems happy, you end up feeling drained, perhaps resentful, uninspired and maybe even depressed. You feel like something is missing. If you do not live by your own values, happiness will be a moving target leaving you breathlessly empty! This is stressful. It is like chasing a moving target.
Your personal happiness and success is determined by your values and if you are living by them. It has taken me a long time to realize why there are some times that I am successful in planning and when I am not. I find that it is easy to plan IF I know what my end goal and desire is. In other words,
What do you want your Christmas to be all about? How do you want your ideal Christmas to be? Take some time to think about it. What do you picture? What sounds do you hear, and what smells are you smelling? What feelings do you feel and why do you feel that way? Write these things down and make a quick list. If you start with a feeling like peace, expand on what peace look like to you?
Some of you may be a bit stuck here..perhaps all you can think about is negatives that you do not want, like your relatives bringing up sensitive topics like politics, lifestyles, or personal beliefs over Christmas dinner, and all you want is a "Peaceful" Christmas! So okay, start with what you do not want and make your list of what comes to you. Then, change the negatives to the positives you do want.
Take note of what you are passionate about because these are your values!
Hold up! It can't be this easy! Perhaps, you feel like the things that you cannot control are keeping you from happiness, like other peoples' expectations. Say for example, you have a super organized and slightly obsessive compulsive, super-clean mother-in-law who can't help herself by mentioning different cleaning tips as she moves about your home. Perhaps family members think that the amount you spend equals how much you love a person, but you do not feel comfortable about the amounts that they are spending and do not have the resources to comfortably give that much. You are right! You cannot change others, who is to say they are wrong, but you can change how you treat yourself and accept yourself just the way you are!
You can accept people the way they are, apart from you, the moment YOU accept YOUR values and take command of your life and what works for you. The moment you do that, the more you can accept others for the unique gifts and talents and values that work for THEM in their lives and even enjoy what they can bring to you! Perhaps, you can let your mother-in-law clean to her hearts content and let her feel great about helping without thinking about it as criticism. You can share that though you love your family deeply, that for you, you do not have the financial resources to spend unlimited amounts. You can kindly ask to set a limit on gift spending.
You can choose to limit your interactions with those that will not respect your boundaries, even if that means you take a trip out of the house or some time alone to recharge your batteries, Perhaps asking for help may be just what you need. You can plan ahead to make sure you are at your best and just watch how much you can enjoy the holidays with more energy, more presence and definitely more peace!
Focusing on what you want, and having a specific plan in place to reach that destination, is like creating and studying a map. Yeah, you expect that there may be a few unexpected detours, but nothing that will throw you off track or leave you lost because, after all, you know where you are going!
You are responsible for your own happiness and success! Others are responsible for their happiness and success!
If you give anything this Christmas, perhaps the gift of discovering and taking responsibility for your own well being and personal happiness will be the most precious gift you could ever give and pass along to your loved ones!
Have a very merry and peaceful Christmas season on your terms!
Love,
Danielle
